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Ask Bernie Do you have a problem and have no where to turn? Well, look no furthur! Bernie, the P.R.O.P Guinea Pig will answer your question for no charge! *Excuse me, no charge? What kind of an establishment do you think I'm running here? I charge 100 dollars a question...no...make that 200...* Uh...just ignore Bernie everyone. He'll gladly answer your questions for free. Afterall, he has nothing better to do. Any opinion Bernie may have certainly does NOT represent the opinion of PROP. This we STRESS. |
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Questions for Bernie! **Dear Bernie,
People say that I should lose some weight, but I don't see anything wrong with myself! What should I do?** Well, people say that I'm fat too, but they're just jealous because I'm so great! Just keep eating all the candy and carrots and junk you want, and sue the pants off those jerks! **Dear Bernie, I want to have a Guinea Pig for a pet, but my mother won't let me. How can I convince her to let me get one?** That's an easy one! Just have me over your house! When she sees how great I am, she has to let you get one! **Dear Bernie, Yesterday, a bully stole my lunch money! I'm afraid he'll do it again! What should I do? Tell the principal?** Tell the Principal? I don't think so. Get yourself a good lawyer and sue that bully for 10 times the amount he stole from you! That kid will never come near you again!! **Dear Bernie, What are some good ways for a kid to earn money?** Do what I do, of course! Beg and plead! That's the best way to go. The more annoying you are, the more money you'll earn! **Dear Bernie, I have six fingers on my right hand, and I can't find any gloves. I live in a very cold place, so I need gloves. Oh sure, I've tried all those glove impersonators, but they just stop working after I don't use them anymore. What can I do? --an anonymous nobleman ps-- This Italian kid keeps trying to kill me & he's getting really annoying.** Go stand outside a store and beg people for money. When you get a lot of money, buy a good heater and hire people to go outside and do errands for you. That way, you will never have to go outside and won't ever need gloves. As for that kid who keeps bothering you, use some of that money you begged for to hire a bodyguard or two. FACTS ABOUT BERNIE! Everything I'm *sure* you always wanted to know! ***Bernie believes that he is a movie star. (He thinks he played the Guinea Pig in Dr. Doolittle)*** ***Bernie is dyslexic (I hope I spelled that correctly.) That means that when he tries to read, some of his letters look upside down etc.*** ***Bernie has taken out many lawsuits on people who have offeneded him in the smallest ways. He has been to court more times that PROP has--er...than PROP has NOT...yes...that's it..ugh, anyway, if I were you, I would not offend Bernie.*** ***Bernie does not have many friends. He has people who put up with him....but I wouldn't call them friends.*** |
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